In the Quran gratitude towards parents, that is described as one of the best human deeds 46:15 because of them being instrumental in one's coming to life, is linked to man's gratitude towards God 31:14,17:23-24 who is the ultimate cause and source of all existence.
They must be honored and shown humility as likewise stated in the HB in Prov23:22. They must in addition be included in one's prayers even after their passing away
"My Lord, have compassion on them, as they brought me up (when I was) little".
This is a religious etiquette that benefits the person and society at large, by cementing the principle of goodness and honoring towards one's parents, event if they are not necessarily deserving of God's mercy.
As well, they are to be assisted throughout their life and in their old days as a token of appreciation, without ever showing them disdain
17:25"Your Lord knows best what is in your minds, if you are good then He is surely Forgiving to those who turn to Him frequently".
The Quran integrates that pragmatic observation within the passage because it may be that a person impulsively says or does something hurtful to his parents. So long as one's core and habit is goodness and piety, then God may forgive such an unintented outburst. It is worthwhile noting that the verse eloquently omits to explicitly mention such a behavior, indicating that it isnt even befitting to speak of it, much less perform it. Together with the rest of the close family, a believer must pay special attention to their spirituality, reminding them of the prayers and the necessity of steadfastness on the straight path 20:132.
They must be obeyed, not according to their own standards, but according to God's whose limits are that they or any other relatives should not associate others with Allah or incite into sin. Even in such cases however the Quran speaks of the believers' duty to deal with love, kindness and forgiveness with the closest family members, even if they reject Islam in peace, without actively contending and opposing the religion. While dealing kindly with them, the believers must remain firm in their religion 29:8,31:14-15,64:14.
However as logically stated in 58:22, none can be a true believer while at the same time having a close affectionnate and friendly relation with anyone actively fighting God's cause. As David says in his Psalms
Psalms119:104-5,139:21-22"From Your precepts I shall gain understanding; therefore, I hate all ways of falsehood. Your words are a lamp for my foot, and light for my path...Did I not hate Your enemies, O Lord? With those who rise up against You, I quarrel. I hate them with utmost hatred; they have become my enemies".
Aversion towards everything false and sinful as well as severing of ties with all sources of wickedness is the natural outcome of the acceptance of the straight path and pursuit of the Truth. The prophets of the HB often repeated that reality, as well as Jesus in the NT Matt10:34-7,15:4-6,19:17-19. Family bonds, though sacred, can never take precedence over God's requirements. And when the case is such concerning the most sacred of human bonds, then how much more is it true when it comes to other relations and wordly interests towards which people hypocritically become conciliating
33:1-4"O Prophet! be careful of (your duty to) Allah and do not comply with (the wishes of) the unbelievers and the hypocrites; surely Allah is Knowing, Wise. And follow what is revealed to you from your Lord; surely Allah is Aware of what you do; And rely on Allah; and Allah is sufficient for a Protector. Allah has not made for any man two hearts within him".
As is often the case, the Quranic style of admonishing the prophet by stressing the importance of his moral duties and the consequences of a potential failure in their performance, is an indirect address to the believers. It increases their awareness, seeing that even the most saintly figure among them isnt above God's spiritual and moral commandments.
As to the wording in 58:22, it says HADD. The words implies active opposition (see 9:63) and the context is that of those who use all means against God's cause. And WADD which is rendered "love" isnt simple love but also carries the meaning of close relationship, affection and friendly support as clear from the context starting at verse 14. What is also interesting to note is that, in comparison to muhib (from hubb/love, more on the level of "liking") which is also used for Allah, wadd is a form of intense, passionate love. It is used in contexts of severe oppression, as in 85:14. It is in these harsh circumstances that a believer begins seeking and pleading for God's consideration, and thus the word is used to describe the intensity of His love and affection for those who undergo severe trials in His ways. In the Quran one reads time and again that Divine approbation does not necessarily manifest in ease, ampleness or material comforts. Both hardships and ease are trials meant at improving and testing one's spiritual resolve, and none of them occur except by God's will and knowledge 89:15-20.
In line with the upright attitude to be adopted with one's parents, Ibrahim during his mission, prayed for God to forgive his disbelieving father, who was among those that denied his message 26:69-86, like Nuh did before him for his disbelieving son. Ibrahim's dad in addition physically threatened his son, and Ibrahim's forbearance, all the while sharply dissociating himself spiritually, in regards to him is an example for every believer to contemplate. The Quran in 31:33 alludes to that idea, through a subtle linguistic device once more testifying to its unmatched eloquence. When speaking of the impossibility for father and child to bear one another's burden on the day of resurrection, it uses jaza in the future tense for the father while it is in the form of a noun for the child. This indicates permanence and repetition, in allusion to the child's duty in this life of repeatedly dealing with humility and forbearance with the parents. This also points to the hard reality that although it could and should be the case in this world, it is a state that will not perdure in the hereafter where eachone carries his own burdens.
Ibrahim in addition pledged to his disbelieving father that had just sent him away from the household on account of his incessant preaching
Ibrahim in addition pledged to his disbelieving father that had just sent him away from the household on account of his incessant preaching
19:46-8"Peace be on you, I will pray to my Lord to forgive you; surely He is ever Affectionate to me..maybe i will not be disappointed from my prayers to my Sustainer".
In the meantime the wickedness of his nation had surpassed all limits and culminated with the attempted execution of Ibrahim in a furnace. Obviously, a small load of wood would have been enough to burn a single man however they decided to build a huge fire to quench their revenge, exposing how sunk they were in their attachement to their idols and how deeply affected they were by Ibrahim's actions and words against their religion. Their time of respite had thus arrived and they were about to meet the same fate as the nations of old that not only rejected but tried killing their prophet 9:70,21:70,37:98.
As they were about to migrate, Ibrahim and the righteous severed all ties with the disbelieving people left behind. Ibrahim however put a limit to the extent of this severing of ties. He had given his word to his father, prior to it becoming clear that he would never mend his ways, that he would pray for his forgiveness and so he abided by his pledge 60:4,9:114. This second pledge that came at a time where the faith of the nation and that of Ibrahim's father became clear, contained a fatalistic element, contrary to the first one
"I would certainly ask forgiveness for you, and I do not control for you aught from Allah".
Ibrahim would therefore complete his pledge in order not to have failed a promise made to his father, all the while knowing, as reflected in his re-formulation of the pledge, that God dislikes and does not accede to prayers made on behalf of those who knowingly remain in their spiritual deviations after clear and repeated admonitions 9:80,63:6. This has always been the way of God, as taught to Muhammad and all prophets, for instance Jeremiah is told in the Hebrew Bible concerning the same kind of disbelievers
Jer7:16"And you, pray not on behalf of this people, neither lift up cry nor prayer, and entreat Me not for I will not hear you" Jer14:11"And the Lord said to me; Do not pray for this people for good".
God forbids prayers to those who obdurately take their idolatry with them to their grave 9:84,113.
Ibrahim thus fulfilled his promise after his migration. He prayed for the forgiveness of both his parents 14:41. This establishes the important principle that should a situation occur where the enmity of a kinsfolk toward one's faith becomes so severe, as was the case with Ibrahim, or the early Muslims 60:1-3, one should severe all ties with them indiscriminately. One cannot, after that point pray for their forgiveness as Ibrahim did. Ibrahim only did so because he wanted to honour a pledge he had made when his father's opposition to the religion had not become as severe as when he later joined other idolaters in their enmity. Ibrahim would not had prayed for his father if he hadnt already given his word prior.
Similarly the prophet Muhammad is told to warn his nearest relations and distance himself from them should they persist in their misdeeds 26:213-216. Likewise the prophet Nuh was commanded to turn away from the son he loved due to his active disbelief up to his last breath 11:45-7, Lut was told to leave his wife behind in the town about to be destroyed on account of her persistent transgressions and rejection. Jesus in the NT told his followers to equally dissociate from the closest family members who would persist in, and call to disbelief. As the prophet Micah stated
Micah7:5-6"Believe not a friend; trust not a prince; from her who lies in your bosom guard the openings of your mouth. Believe not a friend; trust not a prince; from her who lies in your bosom guard the openings of your mouth".This illustrates the fact that a close person's piety, be it a father, wife, son, etc does not save one from the consequences of sin and disbelief.
The love and mercy of Allah towards His creatures surpasses, in quantity and quality, the love of both the father and mother put together which is why obeying God must overrule obedience to the parents. When an important duty clashes with a still higher one, the former is to be sacrificed for the latter.
From birth to the last breath everything in the universe depends upon the rububiyat (stemming from Rabb, nourisher, cherisher and sustainer); the nourishing, cherishing, sustaining and protecting aspect of the mercy of the Lord of the worlds
30:40"Allah is He Who created you, then gave you sustenance, then He causes you to die, then brings you to life"
A day will come where family ties will avail to naught and eachone will have to answer for his own deeds 66:10-11,31:33,35:18. But in all cases, a believer must implicate himself in trying to make them mend their ways 31:15,66:6. This attitude is not only a reflection of gratitude but also evidence of how convinced one can be in his faith to the point he is concerned of his beloved one's faith. In sura Furqan, after speaking of the characteristics of God's true servants, the Quran describes such compassionate believers' prayers
25:74"And they who say: O our Lord! grant us in our wives and our offspring the joy of our eyes, and make us guides to those who guard (against evil)".
But again, as already seen in 58:22,64:14 keeping one's faith takes precedence over maintaining one's relation with them if they begin severely opposing the religion. Jesus reflected that notion in Matt10:34,Lk14:26. See also Micah7:6,Matt30:21-36. This is why the Quran states that
33:6"The Prophet has a greater claim on the faithful than they have on themselves, and his wives are (as) their mothers"
Those who enjoyn to righteousness, in this case the prophet, provide the right example to follow
33:21"for him who hopes in Allah and the latter day and remembers Allah much".
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