The size of the prophet's household, combined with his prophetic duties and the turmoil of these early days in which he was involved in on a daily basis, meant he could not be expected to divide his time so as to satisfy each of the wives and potential concubines equally. But as the Islamic history books explicitly denote, he tried to observe equality among them as much as possible. He used to visit sometimes his 9 wives at once
"Narrated ‘Urwah: ‘A’ishah said: “O nephew! The Messenger of Allah would not prefer any one of us to another with regards to spending time with us. Hardly a day would go by without him visiting all of us. He would come close to each woman, without touching her, until he reached the one whose turn it was, then he would spend the night with her".
The prophet thus, despite being absolved from strict obligations towards his multiple wives would nevertheless feel saddened whenever he delayed his appointed time with one of his wives
33:51"You may put off whom you please of them, and you may take to you whom you please, and whom you desire of those whom you had separated provisionally; no blame attaches to you".
This ordinance made sure that no reproach would be cast upon him, and neither would he be hindered by social pressures or customs. So although he had the peace of mind from a spiritual viewpoint that he would never be blameworthy, he still felt uneasy emotionally towards his wives whom he loved. And he did his utmost to spend as much time as he could with them all equitably. Aisha would say to him
"If I could deny you the permission (to go to your other wives) I would not allow your favor to be bestowed on any other person".
This statement from the prophet's youngest wife, and thus logically the most physically attractive in comparison to his other wives, shows the prophet tried as best as he could not to favor one wife over another based on his personal preference. There is an instance where he refused letting Aisha replace another wife on a day that wasnt hers
"O Aisha, keep away from me, it is not your day".
The prophet maintained as best he could that considerate pattern of behavior throughout his life, as narrated by Aisha:
"When the ailment of the Prophet became aggravated and his disease became severe, he asked his wives to permit him to be nursed (treated) in my house. So they gave him the permission. Then the Prophet came (to my house) with the support of two men, and his legs were dragging on the ground, between `Abbas, and another man".
Besides absolving the prophet, the ordinance also put all the wives and potential concubines on the same level as it concerned them all from God's perspective. Through it, they find the inner peace that the emotional sacrifice they shall endure, and which they all were fully aware of before accepting to marry the prophet, is for the accomplishment of a higher objective. Their merit with God will naturally be higher given their worldly sacrifices
"this is most proper, so that their eyes may be cool and they may not grieve, and that they should be pleased, all of them with what you give them".
The verse ends with an affectionate message to the prophet's household in general, stressing that God is aware of the difficulties in all levels of life that they must endure, and their toll on their feelings
"and Allah knows what is in your hearts; and Allah is Knowing, Forbearing."
Aisha is indirectly described as expressing her initial frustration and spousal jealousy, when she supposedly stated in relation to 33:51 that
“I feel that your Lord hastens in fulfilling your wishes and desires".
It is remarkable that the prophet would always abide by the restrictions divinely imposed on him but not the relaxations, as described above. In Sura Ahzab, around the verse quoted in the hadith, there are seven rules about marriage peculiar to the Prophet. Four of these granted him relaxations and three put restrictions. The Prophet certainly abided by the restrictions, but yet, for someone whose
"Lord hastens his desires"
he did not opt to benefit from two of the relaxations. Had the idea of ‘convenient revelations’ any basis in that report from Aisha as claimed by Islam's opponents, to start with, there wouldnt have been any restrictions on the Prophet neither in this sura or other suras, to the exclusion of the rest of the believers. And neither would he have failed to take benefit of every relaxation, without having any guilty conscience as he just happened to have. It is further worthy to note that, in those relaxations pertaining to marital affairs described in 33:50-1, the prophet is a passive agent; it is the women that are given the option of seeking him in marriage, not the other way around. The bottom line is that, whichever one looks at it, nothing in the pattern of the life of the prophet supports the malicious charges against him.
As a side note about the issue of jealousy, as noted by the earliest scholars the jealousy – of either husband or a co-wife, when it does not lead to transgression either by words or by actions, is not blameworthy. It is but a normal human feeling that can overwhelm anyone, especially when there is intense love involved. The prophet's wives loved their husband and its is normal they would feel jealous of oneanother. The prophet however always tried resolving these issues as pragmatically as possible, without ever accepting there one oppressing another.
For example his companions knew that in terms of personal feelings, the prophet had more love for Aisha than his other wives. This is itself is not blameworthy. But because of that, his companions, seeing the bare minimum comfort he allowed himself and his household, if they wanted to gift him something, which the prophet would then share with them, they would prefer visiting him when he was at Aisha's house. If the people honored her home in that manner, it would be inappropriate for the prophet to ask them to refrain from doing so, just so as to appease his other wives. It would be unfair towards Aisha who did not ask for such a conduct, nor would it be fair towards the people themselves. They are free to enter whatever home they wish, if they are welcomed in it. They in addition should not be forced to conform their behavior so as to reduce tensions within another person's household, even if it is the prophet. That is why the prophet, after his wives' repeatedly pressing him that he should
"tell the people to send their gifts to him in whatever wife's house he was"
answered them back by honoring Aisha even further. Instead of reducing of her value in people's eyes, as the other wives demanded, he declared
"Do not hurt me regarding Aisha, as the Divine Inspirations do not come to me on any of the bed sheets except that of Aisha".
The prophet received revelation long before marrying Aisha. After his marriage he continued receiving inspiration in different locations and conditions than Aisha's house. All his other wives saw him and described his symptoms in the ahadith while the phenomenon occurred. But by telling them that from all places, he only had inspiration in the bed sheets of Aisha, he was denoting a particularity which none of the wives had experienced with him. The Arabic as a side note says lihaf/thawb (used interchangeably for a blanket) and mirt (piece of unsewn fabric).
The prophet in turn did not hesitate to preserve the honor of another wife even if it made Aisha jealous. He had such an intense remembrance for his first wife Khadija, that whenever she was mentioned he gave her the best of praises so that Aisha used to say
"I never envied any woman as much as I envied Khadijah. The Holy Prophet always remembered her. Whenever any sheep or goat was slaughtered, the choicest parts were sent to Khadijah's relatives and friends. I used to say, 'It appears that Khadijah was the only woman in the world.' Hearing this, the Holy Prophet was very much annoyed and said: 'Khadijah had many virtues, which others do not have. "'
However such spousal jealousy isnt blameworthy, especially considering how Aisha herself reported Khadija’s merits. Further, Aisha too had merits of her own, as stated earlier. There are some documented conflicts and instances of petty jealousies among the Prophet Muhammad’s wives, but this was by no means the norm and the prophet was always considerate and delicate when handling these issues. Aisha narrated:
“Once, Sawdah visited us and the Prophet sat down between me and her, one leg in her lap and the other in mine. I made then Khazira (a dish of bran in meat broth) and told her: “Eat!” She refused. I said: “If you don’t eat I will stain your face with Khazira,” but she insisted not to eat; therefore, I put my hand in Khazira and painted her face. Seeing that, the Prophet laughed and gave his share in Khazira to Sawdah and told her to stain my face; so, Sawdah stained my face and the Prophet laughed".
There are many such reported instances of the prophet's tactful handling of tense co-wives situations.
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