The Islam Issue "Muhammads treatment of military widows"
"And she said that the messenger of Allah said: “go and throw sand in their mouths“."
This translation is false. It literally says
"And I (Aisha) zaamtu/thought/conjectured that the prophet said "go and put dust in their mouths".
The prophet did not forbid weeping for one's deceased, but the tradition of "fake wailing" where women are incited to do so at funerals. This tradition is still seen in many cultures around the world, including Muslim. He said
"If a hired mourner (a woman who is hired to wail during funerals) does not repent before she dies, she will be raised on the Day of Judgement wearing a garment of tar and an armour of blistering puss.”
He also said
"Allaah does not punish for the weeping of the eye or the sadness of the heart, but He punishes for this –pointing to his tongue –or that this [what the tongue utters] is forbidden".
Crying from sadness at a cherished person's death is normal, and the prophet himself many times did so, even years after the person's passing. The prophet described that type of sadness as
"a mercy which Allah has placed in the hearts of his slaves. Allah bestows His Mercy on the merciful among His slaves".
What is disapproved is the abovementionned practice, the wailing and lamenting as it many times leads to overstepping the religious bounds and questionning God's justice and purpose behind the incidents of life
"He who slaps the cheeks, tears the clothes and follows the tradition of the Days of Ignorance is not from us".
The approved manner of mourning however is one where
"The eyes are shedding tears and the heart is grieved, and we will not say except what pleases our Sustainer. O Ibrahim! Indeed we are grieved by your departure".
Among those words which the mourner may utter are reminders of the goodness of the deceased, prayers of mercy, forgiveness, wishing him/her the reward of Paradise, and acceptance of the overall design of creation
2:156"Truly! To Allah we belong and truly, to Him we shall return".
